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“It takes two to tango”, but only one to interrupt the dance of conflict.
The saying goes, “It takes two to tango.” This applies to the high conflict that commonly appears in divorce and custody battles. When one of the parties refuses to “tango”, he or she takes the first step in regaining independence. By taking responsibility to establish appropriate boundaries, one party can diminish the heat of the high conflict thereby allowing everyday life to become more peaceful and less disruptive. This can make a great difference for the long-term well-being of the children.
Our experience has shown us that one of the parents in a High Conflict divorce frequently has no intention of attending a conflict diversion program even if ordered by the court, and that if they do attend class, will do little to integrate the concepts of the class. Our San Diego High Conflict Diversion Program requires that only one parent understand and implement the strategies we teach. Even with changes incorporated by one parent, the conflict can be stopped. It should be noted that when substance abuse, personality disorders or other issues of this nature (such as a spouse who can’t or won’t “disconnect”) are involved, special and more individualized strategies are required. These are all incorporated into the curriculum and a major focus of the High Conflict Diversion Program in San Diego.
While a peaceful daily life is an obvious objective, getting there can seem overwhelmingly difficult. Although the high conflict itself is very stressful, it is also familiar and keeps both parties connected to one another in a painful dance. Disengaging from this pattern is a lot easier with support and guidelines to help make that first step successful.
In solving conflict, Brook and Nicola work with their clients to explore how they are in the High Conflict and help them to find new healthier ways to deal with their former spouses. Brook Olsen is the founder and director of the San Diego High Conflict Diversion Program. Brook Olsen and Nicola Ranson are available for one on one consultation.
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