The Wounds of Conflict

Written by Philip M. Stahl, Ph.D.

There’s been a great deal of publicity lately about the negative impact of divorce on children. This research, by Dr. Judith Wallerstein, has highlighted a small group of children who have shown ongoing problems many years after the divorce of their parents. She indicates that children of divorce are at higher risk than children who grow up in non-divorced homes.While there is a statistical difference between the continued functioning of these children, other research suggests that the majority of all children adjust reasonably well and have few problems in life.

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Use Of Therapy in Divorce and Custody

Uses of Therapy in Divorce

Therapy can save money, reduce trauma and help avoid bad decisions in divorce. The following are some ways that therapy can be used (and misused):

Deciding to Divorce

Many people feel frustrated in their marriages, but are unsure about divorce. Before making such an important decision, I strongly encourage people to participate in at least 12 weeks of couples counseling — or individual counseling if necessary.

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When Co-Parenting Doesn’t Work

When a divorce occurs or parents that were never married split up it is assumed that both parents will work together in a co parenting arrangement to minimize the impact on the children. Some time this also includes parents of children of from relationships that were non-meaningful. Most of the Family Court professionals today believe that all parents have to find a way to Co-Parent and make orders that reflect even in the face of clear evidence that these people can’t get along as indicated by their continued presents in front of the court. The truth is that evidence has shown that trying to make this kind of people co-parent only makes the problem worse.

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As Went The Marriage So Goes The Divorce

As went the marriage so goes the divorce & Stay away from the flypaper!

These were the most important words spoken to me when I was going through my high conflict divorce some 13 years ago. I was working with a therapist that gave me this most important statement that helped me through the nearly 2½-year process that was to come. What he said changed the way I thought about nearly everything that happened from that point on and most importantly how I came to react to what happened during the long divorce process.

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Avoiding False Allegations

I have found In High conflict divorce and custody cases all to often one of the parents have a less than principled strategy to obtain full custody of the children and to completely control the other parent. The most effective way to accomplish this is to completely remove the other parent from the children’s life and to create enough questions about the other parent’s appropriateness both around them and the children. When you find yourself in this kind of situation you will probably find that the more you advocate for you parental rights, the harder the other parents controlling personality escalates. Many times this escalation results in false allegations of abuse against the children or Domestic Violence against the ex-partner or both. If you can think it they will say it.

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The High Conflict Diversion Program textbook was created to support the classroom experience of learning about parenting in a high conflict divorce or custody dispute.

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